THE NUTSHELL

When our class reunion was announced, it was suggested that we all send in a short autobiography of what we have done since 1969. After getting to Princeton, I sent my bio to my classmates. I repeat it here for you all.

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Greetings to all!

I thought it might be time to write to you before you hear "the news" from elsewhere... I have had a wonderful time in Princeton this week.

It cannot be forty years since we were students... I'm not that old. What? Neither are you? That's a relief...

Anyway. Here is what I have been doing...

After putting the Yearbook to bed in 1969, I lived with my parents for a short time and moved out before we seriously maimed each other. I did my job-hunting and ended up playing in an Episcopal Church on the weekends and working for the Hartman-Beaty Organ Company in Englewood, NJ. (Who?) By 1971, I was doing much of the technical design for their organs, and did most of the engineering work on a tracker organ they were building for Trinity Methodist in Charleston, SC. (Remember this!)

In 1970, I took the position of Director of Music at the Methodist Church in Leonia, NJ, and a year later, being very bold, not to mention having left the employ of H&B (who?), I offered to to rebuild their pipe organ, enlarging it from 17 to 44 ranks - not bad for an Opus 2! And it is still there and playing as I left it. I also founded the Second Sunday Concert Series, which continues to this day...

For the next five years, I worked with Allan Van Zoeren, a master voicer and tone finisher, and Tim Koelewijn, the master pipemaker who restored the pipes from the Schnitger organ at Zwolle, concurrently with selling Wicks organs, all of which gave me valuable experience as to what to do and what not to do tonally in an organ.

I met my to-be first wife, Edna, in 1977, and we were married in August of 1978. We honeymooned in - guess where - Charleston, SC. We attended services at Trinity Methodist, as I had never seen or heard the organ I engineered. Talking with a few local organists at lunch, I was strongly encouraged to move and set up shop there. So, we considered it, decided, moved there on our first anniversary, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I have built and rebuilt close to 35 organs since going South,including four IV-manual jobs, and in my spare time" have managed to compose more than 40 works for organ (including 2 organ symphonies in the style of Louis Vierne), various instruments, chorus, and Carillon. I am in the midst of completing my third art song cycle. I also got interested in aviation, and for a time owned and flew a Grumman AA5A "Cheetah" 4-place airplane. I was the second organbuilder in the world to have a website (Austin beat me by THREE DAYS!). And, I made the mistake of not evacuating on the morning of 22 September 1989 (my birthday) when Hurricane Hugo came to visit. Luckily no harm befell us even though there were 90-foot pine trees crashing down around our home in Mt. Pleasant.

But Hugo provided some benefits to us, and my First Great Moment occurred on 25 October 1992 when David Higgs dedicated, to an SRO audience, my new 72 rank pipe organ at First (Scots) Presbyterian Church in the heart of the Historic District. It is considered to be a worldclass concert instrument and is a major venue for the Spoleto Festival.

Then, in June of 1995, my Second Great Moments (sic) occurred with (1) in April, my winning Second Prize (there was no 1st prize awarded) in the Guild of Carilloneurs of North America's Composition Competition (say that 3 times very quickly..) with my piece "Cortege"; and, (2) in June, the premiere performance of my "Concerto in D for Organ, Strings, and Tympani", Op. 21, at First Scots with members of the Charleston Symphony Orchestra.

In 1998, I attended the Paris Congress of the International Society of Organbuilders.

Then, in 1999, my wife and I separated and divorced. I remarried within a year, and that marriage ended amicably after only a few years.

In 2004, I journeyed to France, and performed much of the work of restoring the Recit division of the historic 1895 Stoltz Freres organ in the Parish Church in Ligueil, which is near Tours.

My Third Great Moments (getting sic (sic) of this joke, arent you...) occurred (1) in 2006, when Dutch organist Arjen Leistra premiered my "Variations on 'Est Ce Mars'" as a part of his Koniginnetag (Queen's Birthday) Recital at the Hoflaankerk in Rotterdam, and (2) almost exactly one year later, in 2007, when I participated in the planning for that year's PipeDreams Tour of Organs in Holland. I authored the 90 page guide entitled: "The Netherlands: Crossroads of European Organbuilding", which included a fairly comprehensive essay on Dutch history, culture, and music. We visited more than 40 organs during the two week tour, and I accompanied the group as Organbuilder-in-Residence giving short talks I called "Organbuilder's Minutes" at the more interesting instruments.

The last Recital of the tour was held at the Hoflaankerk and performed by my friend Arjen, who was the tour's Organist-in-Residence, and it was only fitting that we conclude with the singing of a hymn. We sang, in English, "We Gather Together to Ask the Lord's Blessing", to the old Dutch tune "Kremser", which is familiar to you all. I wrote a new concluding verse, which I want to offer to you all.

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With organs resounding, our fanfares announcing,
The triumph of Jesus our Saviour and King.
The whole diapason gives gladsome intonation,
And through our music, Lord,
We witness of Thee.

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Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary 2009: diapason (n): etymology: dia through + pasōn,
genitive feminine plural of pas all (1) the entire compass of musical tones
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The Charleston Lawyers' Chorus (tm) sings an excerpt of the rock opera "Runaround, Sue" : "Permission is hereby granted any student, former student, graduate, friend, or whatever of Westminster Choir College to use the above hymn verse however they d___ well want, with a credit line being accorded the author, unless the Church Secretary says there isn't any room in the Bulletin... yeah, yeah, yeah..."

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In 1997, I began to experience the symptoms of Parkinson's Disease. I have been since then under the personal care of the former Chair of the Neurology Dept of MUSC, Dr. David Bachman, who specialises in PD and Alzheimers.

Today, after close to 15 years of life with PD, I am only a light 2 on a 1 - 5 scale of severity, which is somewhat unusual. Unfortunately, I can no longer fly nor can I reliably play the organ for worship, but otherwise, my Doc says I am a walking advertisement for the salutary effects of attitude on one's physical condition. I tremble at the thought...

The PD coincided with my increasing awareness of other factors in my life which I had been denying or at least repressing; so, gravely depressed, I went into intense counseling for a year, and ended up not only beginning to find my true self, but co-founding, in 2000, a support group to help others like myself here in the Charleston area.

I have had gender identity issues since I was a child, but I hid them from everyone including my parents and first wife...and from you, in another galaxy long ago and far, far away! But one can only sustain that sort of dualism only for so long...

As one gets older, one realises she no longer has more years left than she has already lived, and things take on new levels of priority. After much thought and prayer, I have been guided to the path which I must follow for whatever time I have left (lots, I hope).

Some of you have already met the "new" me in Princeton this week, I am well along in the process of affirming my true inner self. My new name is Olivia Margaret Ontko. I intend to continue in my life's work of designing and voicing pipe, digital, and hybrid organs, composing, and writing. (Can you believe it, I am writing a murder mystery which will involve Westminster and a chase up the NJ Turnpike?). If any of you want to know more, visit my support group website at http://www.transgender.org/CATS (yes, there are pictures and they are all G-rated...),

or - dont be shy - just ask me...there are no dumb questions...

My email address is now OliviaMargaret32@gmail.com and my personal blog may be found at http://OliviasArtifacts.blogspot.com/

I would be happy to see each and every one of you if you get to the Charleston SC area. I live on 3 acres in a little community northwest of Charleston, down a dirt road way out in the country.

How far out in the country?

There is no cable TV service available, which is no hardship as I haven't watched the telly in many years. I have to drive 2 miles towards town before my cell phone will work, which I do in my vintage 1988 Pontiac Fiero. But the internet and my landline phone work just fine thanks to AT&T and a bunch of signal boosters...

But... on a clear night in the middle of winter, there are so many stars visible from my front porch that you can almost read a large print book by their light; and the red fox trots softly across my front yard not three meters from where I stand; and you cannot hear any traffic noise except for my neighbor's rattly old Ford pickup making its way softly down the dirt road towards home...

That brings me up to date; thank you for reading this.

I have been richly blessed. God guide and bless y'all every one.

Allan / Olivia

AS TIME GOES BY . . .

Last weekend I had one of those moments which occur in everyone's life...

By means of an ofhand remark by a mutual friend, I was put in contact with a person who was at one time ... long ago and in a galaxy far away...my very best friend in the whole world. Hardly a week would go by that we didnt see each other. We talked about music, the arts, all sorts of topics. We improvised silly little word plays...for example -

Him: "Last week I heard the most marvelous recording of the "Lamentation of David" with that exquisite phrase "Would God I'd died for thee..."
Me: "Ah. But why not a Metal God..."

WATCH IT YOU TWO

Dear God! Dont sneak up on me like that. I am NOT Bill Cosby and that silly midget navigator was the one who wrecked your Ark, anyway...

OH HO! {walks away singing} WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A SHRUNKEN SAILOR..."

We laughed a lot. And drew up rather convoluted and highly improbable organ stoplists...

And then one day it was gone. We had an argument, and it disappeared. And what was the argument about? Damnifiknow anymore...

But this I know: there was a hole in my heart for more than 25 years...

We met on Monday for lunch, and when I walked into his home, it was as if 25 hours had passed, not 25 years, since I last saw him. And when I cried, it was tears of joy...

Everyone needs to have and to be a friend like that...

- - Olivia





The part of God in this narrative was played by . . . God!

CLASS OF 1969 REDUX - 4

Well, boys and girls, it is Saturday morning and we are about to enter the Princeton University Chapel, passing beneath the stone dedicated by Lee Hastings Bristol in 1969, incised into which is the inscription "Come into his presence with singing".

Unfortunately, this year's Comencement was rather a disappointment.

The prelude music was nondescript. After a short brass fanfare, the Mendelssohn "Overture to A Midsummer Night's Dream" was presented on the organ. The organ is one of those unfortunate British assemblages which posesses no consonants and as a result drones incessantly. To prove that point, the audience continued to converse through the entire work, at times totally eclipsing the music, and stopping only when the Handbell Choir began to play and their percussive sound said "Hey you. Shut up. I am playing music..."

The Procession was made to the "Crown Imperial March" by William Walton. It was played on the organ, the booming, turgid bass of which totally obscured the rhythm. I was seated on the center aisle, and I could tell that these gifted students simply could not find a beat with which to march down the aisle. So it degenerated into a shamble rather than a march. Warren Martin, where are you when we need you?

The hymns were sung with gusto, and Ken Cowan's playing of them was the best thing on the program.

The Anthem of the Graduating Class, written by Nathan Jones (MM '09) is a fresh setting of the familiar Mosaic Blessing, which has character and expression.

Ken Cowan has revitalised the Anthem of Dedication with his colorful and expressive new registrations. Bravo. Joe Miller's conducting was a severe disappointment, as he seemed to gloss over the music to the extent of not properly preparing entrances or allowing the choir to breathe. I heard him conduct Westminster Choir last summer in Charleston, and I thought his conducting then to be sensitive and musical.

Now, we all know that the AOD is rather emotional and borders on being just the tiniest bit tawdry, but it is part of our musical heritage, is typical of the literature of its period, and should be treated with RESPECT!

Gerre Hancock's improvised introduction to the familiar Holstian hymntune Thaxted left me wondering if he was away on another planet, and his "accompaniment" of the singing had me wondering if I was in another galaxy...or at least wishing I was...

The Retiring Procession was accompanied by the lugubrious strains of the "Great Gate of Kiev" by the organ and the brass. Now that was OK, until the graduated Seniors reached the rear of the Nave, where the Chapel Choir was seated in the Gallery. They have taken it upon themselves to send the Graduates packing with cheers and yelling and applause more akin to a sporting event than an academic convocation.

And there is not a thing wrong with that. I think it is great. What was jarring was the dichotomy of that occurring in the back of the bus while the musicians up front continued droning away, oblivious to the fact that they were no longer a part of what was taking place.

This needs to be remedied with a new work... Stay tuned to this station for developments...

I did not stay for the Postlude, improvised by Dr. Hancock, lest I find myself lost in another universe...

My final thoughts will be posted in a few days. Until then, au revoir, y'all...

-- Olivia Margaret

CLASS OF 1969 REDUX - 3

OMG! I forgot to post yesterday!

The last two days have been so grand, I feel so ENERGISED!

I got into town and on campus late on Friday morning, and suddenly realised that my body was getting ready to turn "off". I barely made it through lunch and the Alumni Association Meeting then went back to the hotel and fell into bed.

For any of you who don't know, Parkinsons is always full of surprises; you never know until you get up in the morning whether or not you are going to be functional that day. Some days, the Off days, the brain is sending messages like mad, and the muscles are are poised and ready to act on messages received... but the telegraph operator is on strike...

So I took a nice nap, waking up just in time to get dressed, made up, and over to the Salt Creek Grille which was conveniently located immediately adjacent to the hotel.

The nexy four hours were full of good food and drink (they make an excellent Cosmopolitan), good conversation, and a feeling of familial closeness.

After a very nice buffet supper, Mary Dempsey took the lead, and suggested we each take 4-5 minutes and tell what we had been doing since 1969. The richness of experience and achievement which was presented over the next hour was mind-boggling. Here was a group of exceptional people who had made significant contributions to their communities, their churches, and their countries. It was impressive.

Then 'twas my turn. I started out by saying "I've made a few little changes..." which got a laugh. I compared myself to a few people, like Sue Jasperse, who had been Katrina'd as I had been Hugo'd. Linda Euler had related how she had secretly wanted to be a Rockette and appear in their sometimes fabulous costumes, and had finally taken tap dancing lessons.

So I related "...and I worked for 5 years at Radio City Music Hall maintaining the Wurlitzer Organ there. In order to get into one of the pipe chambers you had to go through the Rockettes dressing room, so I had a key. One night, in the wee hours, I succumbed to temptation...and you know what, Linda..." -- the room got absolutely quiet -- "...those costumes are just not AT ALL comfortable...".

And the room exploded with laughter...

What I thought was MOST impressive, though, was the way everyone related the hard times as well as the good times. No one was looking for pity or even sympathy. The heart attacks, the vicious diseases, the infirmities, were all there because they were an integral part of living. Nobody complained. Do you hear that? NOBODY complained. How unlike the mewling self-pity demonstrated on the so-called reality shows seen on the telly.

I feel so blessed, so enriched, and so proud to be a member of this group...and the 40 years disappeared, and we were young again for a few hours...

I think I speak for the rest of the group in extending our sincere thanks to Rich Ludlum and Mary Dempsey for making the arrangements for this evening's gathering.

And we remember with affection the late Cj Sambach, who inspired it.

I said in the first instalment of this series, that I wanted to find out what draws the Westminster grad back to Princeton...well, I did.

It is because wherever we go throughout the world, home and family always beckons.

And home is that magical few acres of ground filled with song at the corner of Hamilton Street and Walnut Lane, in the Township of Princeton, the State of New Jersey, and the corner of our hearts...

-- Olivia


PS...many thanks to my writers, Josh Quip, I.M. Agurl, and Aalto Singer...without whom my luncheon tab would be a lot smaller...

CLASS OF 1969 REDUX - 2a

Silly me. I don't have to be on campus until lunchtime. The morning program deals with secondary school choral music programs, which will be of more interest to others.

Back to yesterday.

Having registered, I just sat on one of the benches and took in the peacefulness of the Quad, which was quickly shattered by the cries of people greeting their classmates. Such a joyful sound.

I wont attempt to name everyone I have met so far, lest I forget someone. Everyone so far has been accepting of my changes...including a few people whom I though might not be...

I took a little time to visit the Green Virgin, as she was called in my day, and did a photo study of the bronze statue, which I will make available after I have got back home.

The only program of the day was a report by Dean Annis to the Alumni on the state of the college. It could be summed up in one word: FANTASTIC...

New admissions are up. Budgets have not been cut. The Annual Fund giving has dropped less than the national averages. Rider University continues to be committed to the Westminster identity.

But what is so very exciting, is that the students themselves are pressing for more emphasis on the history of the college and on the continuance of its traditions.

I then went back to my hotel, had a wonderful supper in the hotel restaurant, and then to bed, I being grreatly fatigued...

I would say there will be more on the morrow, but it IS the morrow...and I must get gone...

-- Olivia

CLASS OF 1969 REDUX - 2

Day Two began auspiciously. I slept in long enough to assuage the feeling of yesterday that I had two reservoir weights strapped to each foot...

After having breakfast, I drove into town, which looked as if nothing had changed since I left it, and drove slowly up the long drive to Williamson Hall. Then, reality intruding as it so often does, I searched for a parking place, finding one at the far end of the campus. So I took advantage of it, and reacquainted myself with the beauty as I walked.

The Quad looks more beautiful than ever. It has been completely resodded and sprinklerized. Nobody walks across it now because they might get their feet wet!

I entered Williamson Hall, and went down to the rotunda to register. Synergy occurred, for as I finished registering, a meeting upstairs ended with the singing of the Lutkin, and tears of joy sprang forth. I was home again.

Reality strikes again... as usual, I am running late this morning (Friday). I will post this, and continue it later...

-- Olivia

CLASS of 1969 REDUX - 1

Here I am back in Princeton, NJ. It has been 40 years since Commencement. I have been back before, but never at so poignant a time in my life.

What draws the Westminster grad back to Princeton?

I dont know, but will be speculating...

But it is late, and not only did I have my flight cancelled out from under me today, but my spacebar broke!

And it is too late to do anything constructuve; so I believe I shall say bonne nuit y'all...

{to be continud tomorrow}

DECISION - AN OPEN LETTER

I have a decision to make, but it is already made: I just have to acknowledge that fact, deal with it, and move on.  It was made, as I sometimes say,.in another time and in a galaxy far away...

I must decide whether to follow my heart or heed the advice of the nay-sayers.  You know them: they are the people who say don't rock the boat...maintain the status quo...be safe not sorry...don't do this...don't do that...don't...don't...don't...

Then along comes a person whom I greatly admire - I shall refer to him as "X" - who says to me apropos another matter "Provoke a crisis.  It lets you know where you stand."

Well, X, I am about to provoke YOU...

I do it because of the great respect I have for you.  I do it because I need to know just where you stand regarding me and what I am about to do.  Unfortunately I cannot know how you will react until I do reveal myself, at which point the cat is out of the proverbial bag...but I seal my fate no matter what I do, so I must follow my heart...

Who is X? 

X is you who are reading this now.  You whom I have told about my decision to transition...

You are my hope and my downfall.  You are my support and my nemesis.  I can do this with you or do this without you, and I would rather do it with you, but by God I am going to do it.

As Martin  Luther said to the Diet of Worms, I say "Here I stand.  I can do no other."  

Having typed the above, I began to feel a twinge of self-doubt despite the fact that I have prayed about this for months (years?).  So I typed in the query on Live Search "Who said here I stand", trusting that I would be guided to the right place.  A page appeared with lots of references to song lyrics and history.  

But one jumped off the screen at me:

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PSALM 55

Luther, standing firm in his convictions and knowing that this might cost him his life, said, “ Here I stand ” (by what I have written) I can do no other.

www.calvin.edu/worship/vhabits/vhabit9/sermon/thirdcrc.doc

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I followed that link, downloaded, and read a not-too-lengthy sermon which spoke directly to me and said better than I could that which I feel at this time.  (go ahead, go get and read it, I will wait for you...)

Back?  Good.  I hope it spoke to you, too...

I have surely spent time on my knees with God, and it is time for me to rise and stand...also with God...

And also, I hope, with you...

Olivia Margaret